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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28710930">Blake Retells Her Childhood</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/04KS0D4/pseuds/04KS0D4'>04KS0D4</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:01:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,674</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28710930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/04KS0D4/pseuds/04KS0D4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sawyer didn't think Blake could get this intimidating, but here we are. Alternative title: Having a Breakthrough in Therapy via Telling Your Therapist How You Murdered Your Parents.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Blake Retells Her Childhood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every session with Blake has been an adventure, both from the tales she unwinds like a spool of thread, and from Sawyer’s psychologist viewpoint. Listening to and watching Blake turns the gears in their head in the most unexpected ways.</p>
<p>It’s like watching a circus tent on fire, but the act is still going and the audience thinks it’s all part of the fun. Blake is an announcer in a boxing ring gleefully telling everyone the beaten and battered contestants are just fine, and wasn’t it such a joy to watch the fight? Sawyer’s had patients like Blake, but nothing set her apart faster than how she talks about her mother.</p>
<p>Describing the smell of her perfume, the crystal bottles of scented oils lining her mother’s vanity that she was never allowed to touch. If you were to think of a 50’s movie star, Blake’s mother just about fit the bill, and Blake recalled her as such. Glamorous, red lips, and blonde hair in loose curls. It’s clear Blake wanted to be like her growing up. Sawyer’s assumption of Blake’s mother being alive made her settle back into her chair, like a subtle sigh of relief. Sawyer made the note that Blake’s mother is likely not alive after that. </p>
<p>It’s all a show. A grand spectacle Blake is putting on, and no one would dare see the behind the scenes. Sawyer would love to know the inner workings in the complicated machine of Blake’s social armor. How deep does it go? Sawyer’s pretty sure Blake is self aware enough to know her own lies, but does she feel all the emotions she shows?</p>
<p>Back to now, Blake had said something more than unnerving, “Have you ever had to bury someone?”</p>
<p>Sawyer stiffens, looks around the room for a moment to collect themselves. They had been talking about how Blake has been spending time with Dylan, and how she’s impressed with Dylan for the effort she’s been putting in with learning magic. Where did this come from, and what exactly does she mean?</p>
<p>Sawyer shakes their head, bringing a hand up to their face to feel the textures of their port wine stain; A self soothing method they’ve never been able to shake entirely. “I, uh, I’ve had to lay my mother to rest. The funeral never sat right with me, but that was just another part of my grieving process. I felt-” </p>
<p>“No, no. I mean have you, yourself, had to physically bury someone before? Grab the shovel, carry their body out of the house, get your hands dirty. That kind of thing.” Blake clarifies, her unblinking blue eyes boring into Sawyer. </p>
<p>Sawyer’s deep brown eyes meet Blake’s for just a moment too long. The tension in the room is terrible, Sawyer’s not sure if Blake’s going to kill them or just pull some blackmail out of thin air. They’ve always wondered exactly how Blake viewed them, it’s hard to know when Blake puts on the show they do.</p>
<p>Sawyer gets the feeling something is about to break. Maybe it’s already broken, and Blake had kept their attention on the act just long enough to keep their eyes off of the glass cracking. Sawyer just blinks, waiting for Blake to explain why she asked, or even provide any context for this. They fiddle with the collar of their white button-down.</p>
<p>“Listen, I know you’ve got me halfway figured out. I’m prideful, but I’ll at least admit when I’ve been caught.” Blake smiles, unnervingly straight white teeth peeking out from between her lips, “It’s your job to get under my skin, after all. Can’t expect you to just believe I’m all I say I am. Hell, Lanta has me just about under her thumb at this point. I never thought anyone would figure me out like she did.”</p>
<p>Sawyer just nods, laughs a little, the hair slicked back into a low ponytail gently bouncing with their head. An attempt to diffuse the tension. There’s something else here, they know it. Deflecting with Lanta, it’s worked to change the topic before. Sawyer always wants to hear how that’s going, with Blake’s guarded heart and Lanta’s discerning nature. However, this time Sawyer would much rather hear about the earlier topic.</p>
<p>“So, how does this relate to asking if I’ve had to bury a body?” Sawyer decides to bring the conversation back.</p>
<p>“Alright, so, you’re under oath. If it’s already happened, you can’t do anything about it, right?” Blake asks, one hand twirling her curly blonde hair around her fingers, the other resting on her chin. It’s far too casual, like she’s asking what Sawyer takes in their coffee, not about the legal ramifications of saying something incriminating.</p>
<p>“Not exactly. Simpl doesn’t see your potential background as a factor in their work. You could even tell me you’ve killed someone with a weapon in your room, and buried them behind a Denny’s. It doesn’t matter to them, and therefore would just be a note in your file. They won’t take it to law enforcement, you’re under their protection.” Sawyer explains, more than nervous to find out what Blake’s about to use this information for.</p>
<p>“That’s perfect!” Blake puts a leg over the arm of her chair, no longer sitting forward but rather slouching back into the chair. She’s never looked more menacing. Relaxed eyes and a wide smile, all directed right at Sawyer. Sawyer, despite being in their line of work for as long as they have, would very much like to jump out of their skin, and run out of the building right about now.</p>
<p>“I hate sharing this story, I really do. The last time I told this one to someone they told me to ‘fuck off’ with my ‘threats’. I’m not that scary, am I?” The air quotations Blake uses around ‘fuck off’ and ‘threats’ do not make Sawyer any more comfortable. If anything, it makes them more worried about what she means. Blake clearly awaits an answer, and Sawyer’s not sure how honestly they can answer.</p>
<p>“You do have a commanding presence.” Is all Sawyer can muster.</p>
<p>“Thank you, I try.” Blake laughs, “Anyways, I’ve been wanting to tell you this one for a while. I just couldn’t figure out when would be the best time to bring it up, but I figure you’re plenty invested in me now.”</p>
<p>“See, I’ve told you that my mother really inspired me to grow my magical skills, yeah? But, I never got to how my father inspired me. Hate to give him the credit, but the rage he made me feel drove me to great lengths to find just how to get rid of him without ever suffering legal consequences.” Blake settles into her chair even further, almost laying in it sideways. </p>
<p>Blake is as calm as ever. Rambling on as Sawyer just takes it in. Nodding here and there to show attentiveness and understanding, Sawyer is quiet. Letting Blake just talk seems the best course of action, and it’s definitely giving Sawyer the explanations for the inconsistencies they’ve seen in Blake’s behavior all this time.</p>
<p>“He wasn't very pretty when he died, crying for mercy. Sniveling on the ground like an animal, like he never saw it coming. And my mother, oh my mother. She truly never knew what she was doing to me, the bitch couldn’t employ critical thinking to save her own life, quite literally.”</p>
<p>Blake has been going back and forth from her own wrongdoings to her father's atrocities to her mothers ignorance for a good half hour. Describing the intimate details of her parents’ murder and her own childhood abuse and neglect. She’s unspooling this blood stained thread of a story like it means nothing. Maybe what happened didn’t truly mean anything to her, or maybe it’s another just act. Sawyer just wants to know why she’s telling them this.</p>
<p>“Anyways the point is, I like you. You’ve got a fresh perspective on it all. You’re intuitive. So I just want to know, from your personal perspective, do you think it was worth it? Everything that happened to me?” Blake asks, like it’s the easiest question to answer in the world. Like she’s rehearsed this exact conversation to the point of numbness. </p>
<p>As if this conversation isn’t going to haunt Sawyer for the rest of their life already, but now giving them the responsibility to answer a one hell of a loaded question. Sawyer hesitates, breathes, and decides to make it a conversation instead of a personal think piece. Really taking one of their college professor’s teachings to heart here.</p>
<p>“I think everything that happens to us shapes us, but that doesn’t make it right. I don’t know what all has happened to you, but do you think it was worth it?” Sawyer hopes to god this isn’t the straw that breaks the camel’s back.</p>
<p>Blake blinks like there’s something in her eyes, and laughs just a little. It’s a different laugh, and Sawyer decides this is what Blake sounds like when she’s actually, truly, feeling something. She won’t meet Sawyer’s eyes, instead taking to staring at the floor.</p>
<p>“Honestly? I don’t think it was worth it yet. I’ve got so much more to do to make all of that mean anything other than a shitty childhood. Maybe one day it’ll mean humble beginnings, but I don’t think I’m there just yet.” Blake’s voice is calm, but shakes just a bit. </p>
<p>Sawyer passes Blake the tissue box, just in case. They know she’s too proud to cry in front of anyone if she can help it. Blake laughs, but accepts it regardless. Risking her makeup running seems to be a worse fate than admitting she can, and would, cry.</p>
<p>She dabs a tissue at the corners of her eyes as she continues, “I think they deserved it. I know they deserved it.”</p>
<p>Sawyer finally got to Blake’s innermost emotional walls, just not how they ever expected to.</p>
<p>Who knew the biggest breakthrough you’d have in therapy is your patient admitting to murder?</p>
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